Finding Meaning

So many things happen when someone dies. The living spend so much time trying to find meaning, find answers and find ways to hold on. The picture I posted inspired today’s post. I wanted to talk about all of the things that came about in the early days, as well as things that have happened up until now.

The first week when Zoë died, I had feathers everywhere I went, pennies everywhere I looked, dreams that felt so real. I had clouds in the sky that formed hearts, Angel wings, and her eyes. There wasn’t anything that I couldn’t turn into her trying to stay with me. One of the craziest scenarios was my yellow stop watch that decided to go crazy for one week beeping at random times, and not allowing us to turn it off. Since then it has sat in my Zoë box silent…

Zoë and I had matching Mom/Daughter necklaces like the ones that best friends wear. I couldn’t find hers and I looked everywhere!! One day, I looked in her jewelry box and there it was wrapped neatly and sitting right there to be the first thing I would see when I opened the box. You don’t know how many times I had gone through that box before it was found.

Thoughts that pop into your mind during the day, smells that remind you of them, chills when you are thinking of them are all ways they remind you that they are still with you. I never knew what any of that meant, not had I ever experienced anything like this before, but I cannot explain some of the things that have happened to me in the last 5 years.

I will always find meaning in the little things that remind me of her and I cannot wait to see what more she has in store for her family.